Feed My Fears
by GeekLover-BooksofPower
Summary: Fem!Edmund. Emily Pevensie has always felt different to her siblings and after the events of VotDT, something happens to make her doubt her place in her family's world. Will Aslan rescue her from her insecurities, or will he allow them to be exploited by an unexpected foe? Rating may increase. Casmund.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

Emily Pevensie was not like her siblings. She wasn't brave like Peter, or beautiful like Susan, or kind like Lucy. She didn't even look like them. While Peter had soft, blonde hair and striking blue eyes, she had jet black hair and chocolate brown eyes, unlike her sisters who had various shades of light and dark brown hair and blue eyes. Back in England, she was bullied and her tormenters often tried to make her doubt her heritage, telling her that her mother was some sort of whore who had slept around and that Emily was an accident who was never wanted. Of course, she never believed them, always choosing to ignore the insults. That was, until the man named Cameron came to London.

Cameron was an American soldier who fought in the war. He was a tall man, with dark, tousled hair and dark, mysterious eyes. Emily could remember when she had visited her mother in the summer holidays just after her final year in boarding school. She had met up with Peter and Lucy at the train station and they had gotten a taxi to take them home. After the war, Peter had managed to get a job in carpenting. It was a pretty good pay and not too far from home. Susan, however, decided to stay in America, much to the dismay of her siblings.

They had walked into the house, a fairly large, elegant place. Peter, Emily and Lucy had been catching each other up, Peter talking about his job, and his sisters telling him about their grades. "Mother!" They had all shouted.

Helen Pevensie had come out to the corridor with a large smile on her face. "Oh, my beautiful children!" She answered back. They all hugged in greeting and when Helen had pulled back, she had looked at them and frowned. "Where's Susan?" She asked.

None of her other three children could look at her in the eye and stared at the floor. "In America, Mum." Peter had replied. Helen simply sighed in response and covered up her disappointment by smiling.

"Come on, there's someone I want you to meet." She led the confused Pevensie's to the kitchen and stood, drinking from a mug was the American soldier. "This is my old friend, Cameron McAllen. Cam, these are three of my children. My eldest, Peter, then there are my gorgeous daughters, Emily and Lucy." Shaking hands with Cameron, Emily felt Cameron's eyes linger on her. "You know, when I was expecting Emily, we thought she was going to be a boy, so we were going to name her Edmund." Helen laughed, as did Cameron. This was a common story she told everyone and Emily had stopped being embarrassed by it long ago.

"Well, now you have this beautiful young lady. You must be so proud." His eyes never left Emily.

"Mother, could we possibly take a few minutes to put our cases away? They're awfully heavy." Lucy asked. Helen nodded in agreement and the three Pevensie children dragged their luggage up the polished wooden steps.

They each remembered the rooms they had when they were living at the house full-time before they left during the war, so they chose those rooms for both comfort of familiarity and sentimentality. Peter's room was right next to Emily's and Lucy's was facing her older sister's.

Emily dumped her bags at the back of the room and collapsed on her bed with an exaggerated groan. "I'm so tired!" She moaned. Peter laughed from his place at the doorway.

"You are _always _tired, little sister." He chuckled. He lay down next to her, their heads side by side. Emily immediately wrapped her arms around her brother and put her head on his chest. Peter's hand went to stroke her soft, black hair. "What do you think of Cameron?" He asked her, his voice but a whisper.

"He's…alright. There was something strange about the way he looked at me, I think." She answered. Peter hummed in agreement.

"I'll protect you." He settled his arms around Emily's stomach.

"Wow. I feel so left out, now."

Emily and Peter chuckled at Lucy's comment. "C'mon, Luce." The youngest Pevensie grinned and jumped on top of her siblings, laughing when they groaned exaggeratedly.

* * *

"_I don't want this to be our last moment together, Emily." Dark eyes looked into dark eyes and both pairs were glistening with barely contained tears. "I love you too much to let you go."_

"_But go I must, Caspian. You knew as well as I did that I was never going to be allowed to stay." The reply came. The minutely smaller teen wrapped her arms around her lover's waist and tucked her head under his chin. "I wish I could stay. I love you too much to let you go."_

"_Can we not speak with Aslan? Perhaps he will allow it this one time."_

"_I cannot leave my brother and sisters." She sighed heavily. "I hate this; being torn between two worlds." Reluctantly, Emily pulled away, kissing the corner of Caspian's lips. "Never forget me, my love. And please, don't put your life on hold for me. Find someone, get married, have children. Make a life without me."_

"_But I don't want a life without you. You are my one. I will never find anyone that can even dream of comparing." The thought of a life without their love was the catalyst, and tears finally began to cascade down both of their cheeks, like a waterfall, gleaming on the pale marble of their skin. _

"_You are young. You will find someone, and when you do, you will find that they are just as good as me. Perhaps even better." She placed her hand on his chest, over his heart. "But no matter what, never forget that I will always be with you."_

_Resting his hand atop hers, clutching it like a lifetime, he replied "You will always have my heart." He kissed the tips of her fingers and she traced the Telmarine's lips._

* * *

"Hey, Em."

Opening her eyes, Emily tried to find the offending person who was currently gently shaking her awake. "Pete?"

"Yeah, it's me. Were you crying?" He asked, not bothering to hide the concern lacing his voice. He sat down on the bed, and Emily pulled herself up so that she was upright next to her brother. He took her hand and began rubbing soothing circles on the back.

"I was? Oh." She wiped them away. "I was just dreaming."

"Were you dreaming of him?" He asked. It was no secret that Peter was not overly fond of Caspian, but because of his relationship with his sister, he felt he should at least attempt to like him. For Emily, of course.

"I can't help it, Pete. I miss him so much!" With the emotions of that moment brought to the forefront of her mind, it was no surprise when she suddenly collapsed into Peter's chest, sobbing in grief and a lost love. "Why won't it stop!? It hurts! Make it stop, Peter!" Said brother's heart began to break when he heard her pleas. How he wished he could help his little sister, but there was nothing he could do.

"I'm so sorry, Em. I really am."


End file.
